Back from a Con....

While I hope to have a more in depth article up in a day or two, I figured I would jot down a odds and ends regarding the fetish convention we just returned from. More and more, I find myself being asked “Isn't working a convention a great chance to hang out with your peers? Must be nice to have a whole weekend with those of a similar mindset.”

Ummm.... not so much. Just because I sell the stuff, doesn't make every bit of kink you see wandering around the place something I personally subscribe to. In fact, most events lead to Vulcan and I lengthening the “Sorry, No.” list. Similar mindset? You would be shocked at the Christian, republican, conservatives that show up to these events.* Hades, its those same folks that keep me from being too concerned about being rounded up one day as one of the “dangerous” people. You want to out my life, Senator? First, please explain what you were doing there and what these receipts with your credit card number are doing in my hand (as well as the news feeds I've dropped the copies onto.).

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of folks who rattle around off the main track at cons. But, for the most part, for every cool person you meet (surprisingly I did meet a few this go round) the number of fluffy bunny wanna be's begging to be tossed into a cage is astonishing. Dozens who want to explain their roles with the elder gods, gothlings aplenty who feel a strong enough connection to you to share they “really ARE vampires, and they knew I would understand.”, and enough of what Vulcan and I have dubbed “Power Pagans”. The southern Baptists of the pagan world, shall we say. Folks who don't just have a connection with the deities of their choice, the self same deities have THEIR number on speed dial for the trickier problems the world may face. Ahh well. I figure it is all grist for my one day bestseller detailing the ins and outs of the fetish world.

To that end... a few choice pieces to share and then its back to cleaning up the mead hall for this Valkyrie. Seems the skogkatts got a bit pissy about us leaving them for the weekend and tore the place to shreds. The life of a modern Valkyrie is a busy one.....

1- If you happen to feel you look very fetching in assless chaps, well done you. However, next time you decide to fondle each other in front of my booth for an hour without buying, I will be forced to build “Nair on a Stick” so that I may continue to work without being distracted by, let's all be honest here... Wookie Butt. It isn't always just about the time you spend in the gym when it comes to revealing outfits. Hair management is a necessary as well. No one wants to sit around wondering if you are wearing a g-string... or your fur has simply matted into a naturally occurring thong. Girls have to shave if they want to wear certain things, time to make the leap yourself.

2- Okay. I admit it. While I can sorta, kinda, if I really really work at, maybe... get my head wrapped around the concepts of pony and puppy play... plushies scare the shit out of me. Ask me to swing a sword at the infidels, make me clean up after every hero has made themselves sick in the mead hall... just don't come near me. Sorry to be childish. But honestly. Can someone please explain how someone wakes up one day and thinks “You know what would be fun? I think I want to try fucking my teddy bear.” or worse, “I think it would be fun to BE a teddy bear that is getting fucked.” And here I just slept with my stuffed penguin. Who knew I was missing out on someone's version of heavenly delight?

3- An object lesson, shall we say. When wandering around a con, do not first antagonize the merchant and THEN insist on being locked into the cage. If this occurs, being shocked when I wander off for a bathroom and coffee break with the only working key (to your knowledge anyway) is foolish. Just be glad I came back at all.

4- No. I do not want to join your coven. No. I do not want to beat you. No, I will not let you beat me. If you have just dipped your toe into the BDSM world, understanding one small fact will get you far. The person shoving folks into and out of cages is not usually one that will be going into one herself. Pushing the issue is tantamount to taunting a tiger. After a point I WILL react. And frankly honey, you aren't gonna enjoy it.

5- Your kink is your kink. No better and no worse then anyone else's.

6- For reasons known only to the gods, they placed our convention next door to the eastcoasts largest Bridal Show. There is nothing I can ever see again that will tickle my heart as much as watching a grown man with a long grey beard ala' Gandalf and wearing nothing more then a pleather Alice in Wonderland minidress and 6 inch maryjanes skip his way through a sea of frightened Bridezillas. Its the small things in life that make it worth living.


Now, I'm off to try and suck up to some pissy skogkatts.


*Okay. Confession time. I vote republican. Mainly because I can protect all my other rights just fine as long as you leave my money and my ability to protect myself intact. I don't need a nanny to make the other kids play fair, and I don't need to be told how to be a good person. Toss in the fact your standard redneck backs down a fuck lot faster when he is confronted by someone who is willing to beat his ass down if necessary then if you just try to reason with him. Leave me my weapons and my assests... and I can protect the rest. Well... all that and its more fun to rape the system from within. I live for the sound of people's mental gears getting knocked out of gear when they realize I'm not your average housewife.

Hey... gotta make your fun where you can, ya know?